A blonde walks into Starbucks one morning and orders a coffee and a breakfast sandwich.
She receives her breakfast sandwich from the Barista, finds a table, and sits down to eat.
While she’s eating her breakfast she notices that there is a peel-and-win game piece on the side of her coffee cup.
She pulls the game piece off, reads it, and immediately starts screaming and shouting “OH my god – I won a motor home! I won a motor home!” at the top of her lungs.
The manager hears her and yells over to her “Ma’am – you need to calm down!”
The blonde calls back (still screaming and dancing) “But I won a motor home! I won a motor home!”
The manager responds “But ma’am, that’s not even one of the prizes!”
“oh yes it is – it says so right here!”
The manager takes the sticker and reads it. It says:
“WIN A BAGEL”
=========================
An 85-year-old woman named Doris went to the DMV to renew her driver’s license.
The clerk looked at her paperwork and said, “Ma’am, I see here that you haven’t had a single traffic violation in 65 years! That’s incredible!”
Doris beamed. “That’s right, young man! I’ve been driving since I was 20, and not once have I been pulled over, had an accident, or even gotten a parking ticket.”
The clerk was impressed. “Well, that’s quite an achievement. But given your age, I have to ask—are you sure you still feel comfortable driving?”
Doris scoffed. “Of course! I drive every day. I take my friends to bingo, I go to the grocery store, and I even drove myself here! I may be 85, but I have the reflexes of a cat and the vision of an eagle.”
The clerk nodded and handed her a vision test. “Alright, let’s just check your eyesight.”
Doris put on her thick glasses and peered into the vision machine. “Oh yes, I see it! There’s a big ‘E’ at the top, then an ‘F’ and a ‘P’…”
The clerk smiled. “Great! Now, can you read the second row?”
Doris squinted. “Hmm… I see a ‘Q’… or maybe an ‘O’? No, wait! It’s a bicycle!”
The clerk frowned. “Ma’am… there are only letters on the chart.”
Doris waved a hand. “Oh, I know! But at my age, I’ve learned to predict traffic signs. If there’s an ‘O’ and a ‘P’ together, that usually means ‘STOP’! And if there’s a ‘Q,’ it means I should slow down because I’m probably about to miss my turn.”
The clerk hesitated but decided to continue. “Alright, let’s move on to reaction time. I’m going to tap the desk, and when I do, I want you to clap your hands as fast as possible.”
Doris nodded eagerly.
The clerk tapped the desk.
Doris sat still.
The clerk tapped it again.
Still nothing.
Finally, after a full 30 seconds, Doris clapped her hands together.
The clerk raised an eyebrow. “Uh… was there a delay?”
Doris chuckled. “No, dear, I was just finishing my sip of tea first. You should never rush a good Earl Grey.”
The clerk sighed. “Ma’am, I’m really not sure—”
Just then, another DMV worker burst into the room. “Oh, thank goodness you’re here, Mrs. Doris! Your car is blocking four spaces, there’s a shopping cart wedged under your bumper, and your left blinker has been on for 20 minutes.”
Doris gasped. “Oh, my! That must have been someone else’s car!”
The worker shook his head. “Ma’am, it’s a bright pink Cadillac with a ‘Bingo Queen’ bumper sticker and a bobblehead of Betty White on the dashboard.”
Doris thought for a moment. “Hmm… alright, maybe that was me. But in my defense, parking lots are confusing at my age! I remember when they were just dirt and horse hitching posts!”
The clerk took a deep breath. “Ma’am… I think it might be time to consider giving up driving.”
Doris leaned in with a smirk. “Young man, I will stop driving the day I can’t remember where I put my keys.”
The worker shook his head. “Ma’am, your keys are in your hand.”
Doris laughed. “Well, then I guess I’m still good to go!”
And with that, she shuffled out the door, got in her car, and promptly drove off—with her left blinker still flashing.
