A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar. So, one night he took her along with him.
“What’ll you have?” he asked.
“Oh, I don’t know
The same as you I suppose,” she replied.
So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.
“Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered, “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”
“Well, there you go,” cried the husband.
…
..
.
“And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”
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While still lying in bed, the wife turned to her husband, and said, “Maybe you shouldn’t go to work today.”
“What do you mean? Why shouldn’t I go to work today?” replied the confused husband.
“I think you’ve been working too hard, so maybe instead of going to the office, you should take a few days off, pack a suitcase, and go stay with a friend for a few days away from home to straighten yourself out.”
The husband thought for a moment and decided to jump at the suggestion before it was forgotten. Within moments, he was up, dressed, and started packing clothes into a bag.
“Just out of curiosity,” the husband asked while getting ready, “how did you come to the conclusion that I’ve been working so hard that I need a break?”
“You were dreaming about your work all night,” the wife answered.
“Really? How do you know I was having dreams about work?” he asked.
….
..
.
“Because every 2 minutes you were telling your secretary to go faster.”
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Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Oh, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath,
“You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost!
What are you doing working here so late at night?”
…
..
.
“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”
