A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone: “Get me a coffee, quickly!”
The voice from the other side responds: “You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?”
“No,” replies the trainee.
“It’s the CEO of the company, you fool!”
The trainee shouts back: “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!”
“No,” replies the CEO indignantly.
…
..
.
“Good!” says the trainee, and puts down the phone.
==================================
One evening, as a couple was getting ready for bed
One evening, as a couple was getting ready for bed, the wife suddenly asked:
Wife: “Honey… do you think I’ve gained weight?”
The husband (texting on his phone, not looking up): “Uh… a little.”
Silence. Dangerous silence.
Wife: “What do you mean ‘a little’? You actually think I’ve gotten fat?”
Husband (still oblivious): “Well… you asked. I thought you wanted an honest answer.”
Wife: “Do you realize that question was a trap?”
Husband: “A trap? What kind of trap?”
Wife: “A trap to test your love! The correct answer is: ‘No, babe, you’re as stunning as ever.’ Not ‘Uh… a little!’ Oh my god!”
Husband: “But you said you wanted me to always be honest with you!”
Wife: “I want you to be honest with the world, not with me!”
Husband (trying to recover): “I mean… you’ve gained a little, but it’s cute! Like, in a huggable way…”
Wife: “Aha! So you admit there’s been weight gain! Thanks for confirming!”
Husband: “… I feel like I’m on trial right now.”
Wife: “Correct. And you just confessed under oath.”
Husband silently grabs a pillow and blanket.
Wife: “Where are you going?”
Husband: “To the couch. Trying to avoid a five-year sentence.”