Buddy and his wife Edna would go to the state fair every year.
… and every year Buddy would say, ‘Edna, I want to ride in that helicopter.
And Edna would always say, ‘I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.
One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair and Buddy said, “Edna, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t get on that helicopter, I may never get another chance.
“Dude, the helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars,” Edna replied.
The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Guys, I’m going to make you a deal, I’m going to take you both for a ride, and if you’re quiet the whole ride and don’t say a word, I’m not going to charge you a dime! But if you say one word, fifty dollars.
Buddy and Edna agreed and got on the plane.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daring tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said, “Wow, I did everything I could to get you to scream, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!
Buddy replied, “To tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna went down, but you know…”
…
..
.
“Fifty dollars is fifty dollars!”
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An airline pilot with poor eyesight managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand.
One year, though, his doctor used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that he`d been suckered all these years.
Then the doctor could not contain his curiosity. “How is it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the plane out to the runway?”
“Well,” said the pilot, “it`s really not very hard. All you have to do is follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And besides, the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years.”
“I can understand that,” replied the doctor. “But what about the take- off?”
“Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the runway, go to full throttle, pull back on the stick, and off we go!”
“But once you`re aloft?”
“Oh, everything`s fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our destination, and all I have to do is hit the auto-pilot and the plane pretty much flies itself.”
“But I still don`t see how you land!”
“Oh, that`s the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport`s radio beacon to get us on the proper glide path. Then I just throttle down and wait for the co-pilot to yell, `AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!`, then I will pull the nose up, and the plane lands just fine!”
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A plane takes off with two hours delay.
Once in the air a passenger asks the flight attendant:
“Why did we take off so late?”
To which the flight attendant replies:
“Well, the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane.”
