One Sunday morning, an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin.
Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt, and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand, he carried a worn-out old hat and an equally worn-out Bible.
The church he entered was in a very upscale part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The other people in the congregation were all wearing upscale, expensive clothing.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were appalled at his appearance and didn’t attempt to hide it.
As the old cowboy was leaving the church after the service, the preacher went up to him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. “Before you come back in here, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship.”
The old cowboy assured the preacher he would. But the next Sunday, he was wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again, he was completely shunned and ignored.
After the service, the preacher again went over to the man and said, “I thought I asked you to speak to God about your attire before you came back to our church.”
“I did,” replied the old cowboy.
“And what did God tell you the proper attire would be for worshiping here?” asked the preacher.
“Well, sir,` the cowboy replied, `God told me He didn’t have a clue what I should wear because He’d never been in this church.”
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A construction worker tells his doctor, “I`m constipated.”
The doctor examines him for a few minutes and says, “Lean over the table.”
After he does so, the doctor whacks him on his ass with a baseball bat. A loud “CRACK!” is heard, and the doctor sends the man to the bathroom.
After coming out of the bathroom, the construction worker says, “I feel great! What should I do to prevent constipation in the future?”
The doctor says, “Stop wiping your butt with cement bags.”
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Once a doctor dies.
He was a heart specialist.
At the funeral, his family members and friends make a special coffin on which there is a heart.
A man laughs.
Another man asks him why he laughed.
He says, “I am a gyno. I wonder what they will do at my funeral.”
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A woman went to her doctor’s office.
She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained.
He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?”
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.
“Cured her hiccups though, didn’t it?”
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A new miracle doctor was in town.
He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed by what he could do except for Bhola, the town’s grouch.
So Bhola went to this ‘Miracle Doctor’ to prove that he wasn’t so miraculous.
He goes and tells the doctor, “Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can’t taste anything, so what are you going to do?”
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Bhola, “What you need is jar number 43.”
“Jar number 43?” Bhola wonders.
So the doctor leaves and, after five minutes, brings a jar and tells Bhola to taste it.
He tastes it and immediately spits it out, “This is Shit!” he yells.
“I just restored your sense of taste, Bhola,” says the doctor.
So Bhola goes home very mad.
One month later, Bhola goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, “Doc,” he starts, “I can’t remember!”
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little. Then tells Bhola, “What you need is jar number 43…”
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Bhola fled the office.