Bob had a habit of enjoying his evenings a bit too much, and one night was no exception. He stumbled into bed late, slipping in quietly beside his peacefully sleeping wife.
Unbeknownst to him, the night held more surprises than he could ever imagine.
As dawn broke, Bob didn’t wake up in his familiar bedroom but instead found himself standing before the majestic Pearly Gates.
“Am I dreaming?” he wondered aloud.
St. Peter, with a clipboard in hand, greeted him warmly.
“Bob, I’m afraid you passed away in your sleep.”
Bob’s jaw dropped.
“This can’t be! I’m not ready to go. I’ve got so much to live for!”
St. Peter, empathizing with his plight, offered a solution.
“Well, there is one way you can return—but only as a chicken.”
Bob, desperate to get back to life, reluctantly agreed. Before he could protest further, he was instantly transported to a nearby farm, now covered in feathers and clucking involuntarily.
Bob, adjusting to his new reality as a hen, was greeted by a rather smug rooster.
“Well, well, look who’s new in the coop! How’s it going, hen?”
Bob hesitated, still bewildered by the situation.
“Not bad, but I’ve got this weird pressure inside me. I feel like I’m about to burst!”
The rooster chuckled.
“Ah, you’re ovulating. Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before!”
Bob, wide-eyed, shook his feathery head.
“Never.”
“Well, it’s easy,” said the rooster. “Just relax and let nature take its course.”
After a moment of hesitation, Bob gave it a try. To his astonishment—and a bit of discomfort—out came an egg. Overcome with emotion, Bob felt the unexplainable joy of motherhood. He laid another egg, then another. Just as he was about to lay his third, a sharp smack to the back of his head jolted him awake.
…
..
.
“Bob! Wake up!” his wife hollered. “You’re drunk again and pooping in the bed!”
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A billionaire decides to throw a massive party on his 50th birthday.
During the party, he grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion there is a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it.
“I will give anything to the person who swims across that pool,” he says.
So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests run to the pool to see what has happened. A man is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping. This guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him. He reaches the end and gets out of the pool, wet and soaked!
The millionaire grabs the mic and says, “I am a man of my word. Anything of mine — my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything — for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So, sir, what will it be?”
The guy grabs the mic and says, “Why don’t we start with the name of the idiot who pushed me in!”
