A Midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks.
“One of the benefits of this profession,” he explained, “is that we have built-in weather predictions.”
“What do you mean by that?” asked one inquisitive visitor.
“When the cows are standing,” the farmer explained, “it means no rain is likely for the next twenty-four hours.
When they’re lying down, it means it’s going to rain.”
“On our bus trip,” another visitor piped in, “I saw half the herd standing and the other half lying down.
What does that mean?”
…
..
.
The farmer flashed a smile and answered, “That means half of them are wrong.”
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A blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her,
“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love and your prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to commend you and to grant you anything you wish.”
“Oh, Father, I am perfectly happy. I do what I love. The Church supports me. I am content. I need nothing.”
“There must be something you would like,” said God.
Well, there is one thing.”
“Name it,” said God. She frowned.
“It’s those blonde jokes. They’re so demeaning, not just to me but to blondes everywhere. Can you stop them?”
“Consider it done,” said God.
“Blonde jokes are hereby stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But isn’t there something I could do just for you?”
“Well, there’s one thing. But it’s really small and not worth Your time,” she said.
“Tell me, please!” said God.
“It’s the M&M’s,” she said. “They’re so hard to peel!”
