Being a parent is full of unforgettable milestones—from a baby’s first steps to their first day of school. Each moment holds deep meaning for a parent.
But one mother recently missed out on a special memory with her daughter when her ex-partner’s current girlfriend took the child to get her ears pierced—without asking permission. To make matters worse, the girl’s father didn’t even know it had happened.
The mom only found out when her 9-year-old daughter came home after spending a week with her dad and his girlfriend. The daughter described the week as “lovely,” but she acted “sheepish” and kept her ears hidden behind her hair. It wasn’t until the girl was sitting on her mother’s lap that the mom noticed the piercings.
“I had her on my lap, giving her a cuddle and realised that her ears got pierced,” she wrote.
Although clearly upset, the mom stayed calm in front of her daughter and simply complimented the new earrings. But she immediately called her ex to find out what had happened. Shockingly, he had no idea. His girlfriend had taken their daughter out shopping and decided—on her own—that piercing her ears would be a fun bonding activity.
“When I spoke to my ex later, he had no clue and he had to ask his GF. Apparently, the GF went to the shops with my DD and thought it was a nice thing for them to do together.”
The earrings were “just costume jewelry,” the mom said, which raised even more concerns. The daughter would now need to go to a professional piercer to ensure the holes were clean and cared for properly. She emphasized that she and her ex had never even discussed getting their daughter’s ears pierced.
“I would have much preferred them to bond over a shopping or a fun activity, not over my child getting her ears pierced.”
She turned to Mumsnet to share the experience, posting on August 17, 2021. Many people empathized deeply with her and offered their support, but nothing could undo the loss of that meaningful moment.
“I know it’s only pierced ears, but I did cry last night,” she admitted.
For many parents, it wasn’t just about the earrings—it was about missing a milestone and feeling betrayed. The emotional toll of having such an important decision made without her knowledge was evident.
Commenters on Mumsnet didn’t hold back.
One person said, “I’d be raging! At least ex is also apologetic about it.”
Another added, “I would be raising merry hell with the shop that did it for a start.”
Someone else pointed out how the lack of communication created practical problems too: “Very irresponsible of your ex and his girlfriend. At 9, surely she’s unlikely to be able to cope with the daily aftercare without help from a parent?”
Many agreed that while a 9-year-old might be old enough to choose whether she wants her ears pierced, the decision should still have involved her parents—not a girlfriend acting independently.
“I think at nine she’s old enough to have said no if she didn’t want them done but it’s a massive betrayal of trust on his GF’s part! I would be insisting she no longer spends time alone with DD.”
The story has sparked strong emotions online, with many parents reflecting on how they would feel in the same situation.
What would you do if this happened to your child? Would you be upset, or try to see it as an innocent mistake? Let us know your thoughts and share this story to hear what others think too.