A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat food in her basket.
She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl,
“Nothing but the best for my little kitten.”
The girl at the cash register said,
“I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat.”
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.
The next day, the old lady went to the store and bought 12 of the most expensive dog cookies.
The cashier this time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat dog food.
Frustrated she went home, came back and brought in her dog. She was then given the dog cookies.
The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid.
The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole.
The cashier said, “No, you might have a snake in there.”
The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would bite her.
So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and told the little old lady, “That smells like crap.”
The little old lady grinned from ear to ear,
…
..
.
“Now, my dear, can I please buy three rolls of toilet paper?”
Never fool around with a Little old lady!
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One day a truck driver was driving down a highway when he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a blonde in a little blue car tailgating him.
Well, this truck driver hated to be tailgated, so he stops his truck and walks over to the car, which had also stopped and said, “Hey, lady, if you don`t stop tailgating me, I`m going to bust up your car.”
So he gets back in truck and drives away.
A little while later he looks in his rearview mirror, and sees the blonde tailgating him again. So he stops his truck, gets out, and walks over to the car, saying, “Hey lady, stop tailgating me, or I`ll bust up your car.”
So he gets back in his truck and drives away.
A little while later he again looks in his rearview mirror, and once again the blonde is tailgating him. So he stops his truck, walks over to the car, and says, “Lady, get out.”
So the blonde steps out of her car, and the truck driver draws a circle on the roadside, saying, “Now don`t step out of that circle.”
Then he proceeds to bust up the blonde`s car. Smashing the windshields and windows. And the blonde starts laughing.
The truck driver rips out the seats, and busts all the tires. And the blonde keeps laughing.
He takes a sledge hammer from his truck, and pounds in the frame, rips out the steering wheel, cuts the brake lines, etc, until the car is completely totaled. And the blonde is still laughing.
The truck driver walks over to the blonde, and says, “Lady, I just completely totaled your car, and you`re still laughing. What is so funny?????”
The blonde replies, giggling, “I stepped out the circle and you didn`t see me!!!!!!!!”
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One afternoon, this blonde drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax.
On his way to the lake, a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures for him to stop.
Blonde rolls down the window and says, “How can I help you?”
“I am the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?”
With a smile in his face, blonde hands a sandwich to the guy in red and drives away. Not even five minutes later, he comes across another guy. This guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving for him to stop.
A bit irritated, blonde stops, cranks down the window, and says, “What can I do for you?”
“I am the yellow jerk of the highway. You got something to drink?”
Hardly managing to smile this time, he hands the guy a can of cola and stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset, he decides to go faster and not to stop no matter what.
To his frustration, he sees another guy on the side of the road, this one dressed in blue and signaling for him to stop. Reluctantly, blonde decides to stop one last time, rolls down his window, and yells, “Let me guess. You`re the blue jerk of the highway. Just what the hell do you want?”
“Driver`s license and registration, please.”
