One day a drunk walked into a bar and ordered a gin and tonic.
He drank half of it and poured the rest on the bartender.
The bartender got angry, grabbed the drunk by the collar, pulled him close to his face, and asked, “Why did you do that?” The drunk said very apologetically, “I am so very sorry sir.
Please forgive me.
I can’t help it.
It’s an illness I can’t get rid of. I am so ashamed of it.
How can I make it up to you?” The bartender answered, “Haven’t you seen anyone about this problem?”
The drunk replied, “I never thought of that.
Maybe I will.” The bartender said, “Don’t come back until you do get help,” and the drunk left.
About three months later the drunk came back to the same bar, ordered another gin and tonic, drank half of it, and poured the rest of it on the bartender.
The bartender shouted, “I thought I told you not to come back until you got help!”
…
..
.
The drunk replied, “I did. Now I don’t feel ashamed.”
=================================
A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend.
“You see,” he explained, “my wife`s expecting.”
“Oh…” said the Officer, “I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck.”
The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: “My wife`s expecting.”
The Officer looked surprised. “Still expecting?” he said, “Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off.”
When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. “Don`t tell me your wife is still expecting!” he bellowed.
“Yes sir!” said the soldier resolutely, “She`s still expecting.”
“What in heaven is she expecting?” cried the Officer.
“Me.” said the soldier simply.
It was early morning at the military base, and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:
“Ames” “Here!” “Jenson” “Here!” “Jones” “Here!” “Magersky” “Here!” “Seeback”
No answer.
“Seeback!”
No answer was heard again.
“SEEBACK!!!” The troops remained totally silent.
At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant’s ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.
