“Listen my boy”, said the old man to his grandson on his deathbed, “I want to give you this revolver to remember me by”.
The grandson looked nervously at the old man, and stammering asked if it was okay to get his Rolex instead, since he was against guns.
Visible angered, the old man said, “Soon, my boy, you will inherit the company. You will earn lots of money, and you will be married to a beautiful woman. Together you will have lots of kids.
“And yet, suddenly, one day when you arrive home, you will find her in bed with another man. And then what will you do? Point at them with your Rolex and yell, TIME’s UP!!??”
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A sailor came home from a secret two-year mission at sea only to find his wife with a newborn baby.
Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
“Was it my friend Joe “, he demanded.
“No !” his weeping wife replied.
“Was it my friend Bob then?” he asked.
“NO !!!” she said, even more upset.
“Well, which one of my no-good friends did this then?” he asked.
“Don’t you think I have any friends of my own?” she snapped.
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There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft.
Curious about its depth, they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing.
They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing.
They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole.
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them.
The man replied, “Oh, no! That couldn’t be my goat. Mine was tied to a railroad tie.”
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A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog.
After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man.
However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner.
The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction.
He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him.
The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash.
He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck.
By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated.
As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf.
She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there’s ANYTHING she could do for him.
The man thinks for a moment and then responds: “Could you take the dog for a walk?”