Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them in fifty years’ time.
The first said, “I would like my grandchildren to say ‘He was great fun to be with.’”
“Fifty years from now,” said the second, “I want mine to say ‘He was a loyal and loving family man.’”
Turning to the third man, they asked him, “So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?”
…
..
.
“I want them to say,” the third man replied, “He looks really good for his age!”
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A young boy had just gotten his driving permit.
He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the family car.
His father said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it.”
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said, “Son, I’m real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your bible diligently, but you didn’t get a hair cut!”
The young man waited a moment and replied, “You know dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.”
His father replied, “Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!”
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A tourist was driving on a back road in Arkansas during a heavy rainstorm.
He passed a cabin with a man sitting on the porch playing his fiddle.
“Why don’t you go inside on this rainy day?” the tourist asked.
“Because the roof leaks,” answered the fiddler.
“Well, then, why don’t you fix the roof?”
“Can’t fix a roof when it’s raining,” the fiddler answered.
“So, why don’t you fix the roof on a sunny day?”
“Cause the roof don’t leak on sunny days!” replied the fiddler.
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A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat
because she had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space.
Looking up toward heaven, she said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I’ll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.”
Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination.
The woman looked up to heaven and said, “Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.”
Mistake
A police officer stops a woman for speeding and asks her very nicely if she could see her license.
She replied in a huff.
“I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”